gaybar
by Painful Yapoos
Summary: Kaiba is feeling stressed and goes to a bar to relax, but things don't exactly go as planned.


I apologize for the terrible quality of this story, and the wretched 'OC'. I know he's _obviously_ just Kaiba from Season Zero with his personality warped beyond comprehension. That's how it's supposed to be. All OOC-ness was 100 intentional. Gaybar is a huge in-joke between me and my little sister.

What I'm saying is, don't take this very seriously. Especially the ending, which I simply couldn't resist doing. It came out just as planned.

Oh, Yu-Gi-Oh doesn't belong to me. I can't imagine why you would think it did.

It was October, the great whale month. Mokuba was watching TV and waiting for his big brother to come home. Said brother was currently out somewhere...mysterious. He had departed five hours earlier, saying simply, "I need some time away from your terribly nasally voice, Mokuba. If you miss me...uh, well, that'll be too bad for you, I guess."

Mokuba was devastated. His big brother was _such_ a good person at heart. How could he say such a hurtful thing? But then, Mokuba smiled. He knew that Kaiba truly didn't mean it.

--AT DA BAAR!

Kaiba was sitting alone in the crowded bar. Soulja Boy was blaring over the speakers. Kaiba winced. He hated that wretched song. (a/n: oohh foreshadowing! i wonder what hes planning!) He looked around, then closed his eyes. There were hot pink lights everywhere and dancing muscle man in thongs and hard hats.

The bar was very large and decorated with a large amount of very tacky items. But, believe it or not, it wasn't officially a gay bar. Kaiba only went because he needed a little relaxation, and maybe even a little fun. He was getting older, so he figured a bar would be a good place to go. He had never imagined that the bar would end up being quite like...this. He needed to broaden his horizons anyway. But his little bit of fun gradually became more with each sip of alcohol he took.

"Helll yeah" said Kaiba as he rose and took a sip of his elegant cocktail. "This here party just got..." he opened his shirt "A LOT HOTTTER!"

He began to strip and then went to grab a hard hat from a nearby passed out dancer, when suddenly a strong hand encircled his girly wrist.

"Why hello there. You must be Seto Kaiba, Mokuba's big brother." He looked up and saw a man who looked very similar to himself...only he had bright green hair.

"What?" said Kaiba. "It is not when an owl looks twice in the mirror that you need to jump twice by the mud." replied the mystery homosexual. "My name is...Gaybar." (a/n: ohhh so mysterious) Thriller started to play in da club. Kaiba looked at him with shock and a little attraction. This man was strange but also very handsome. He loved him.

"Oh by the way I slept with Mokuba."

Seto's jaw dropped so far it hit the floor and caused a nearby old woman to scream. (Then pass out in a puddle of her own boozy vomit)

"You bastard! Mokuba is a kid!" Kaiba felt anger building inside of him. This was unforgivable! Some green haired freak was touching his precious little brother...YUUURGH! He just had to do something about it. Of course, there was only one sensible thing to do in this situation...

"IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!", shouted Kaiba from on top of the table. He was still wearing the construction hat and his shirt was hanging open, revealing his manly chest and his secret tattoo of a blue eyes white dragon. Somewhere, Espa Roba was crying. It was a sticky situation.

Gaybar was confused, to say the least. But of course, he could never back down from a challenge, especially one from the great Seto Kaiba. He wanted to be just like him.

"I accept your challenge. But what are the stakes?"

Kaiba smirked. "If you win, then you can have Mokuba and do whatever with him" Gaybar smiled broadly and also blushed. "But, if I win, then you can never go near Mokuba again, and if you do, I'll rip your eyeballs out and feed them to you in a bloody eyeball feast of turkey and whales." (it is whale month after all)

Gaybar considered the rules for a moment, then nodded. "I'll agree to your rules, but on one condition..." He paused for dramatic effect. "You can't use your blue eyes white dragons!"

Kaiba screamed and fainted and almost died inside and outside. "But that's impossible! Those cards are...are..." His voice was cracking and full of emotions, emotions that Kaiba would rarely allow himself to show. He only got emotional when it came to the one thing in the world that was most important to him, the only thing that mattered anymore (well, besides Mokuba) ...his blue eyes. He opened up the necklace he was wearing and gazed at the portrait of the blue eyes inside. He had recently added the picture of his winged love so he could be with him always.

Oh, how he dreamed of the day when he and his blue eyes could finally be together. He would be busily in the kitchen preparing dinner for his happy family; himself, Mokuba, and his husband, the blue eyes white dragon. Blue eyes would come home after a hard day at the office wearing a hat and tie and carrying a briefcase. An apron-clad Kaiba would run out of the kitchen and greet his husband with a peck on the cheek. He would then take his briefcase for him and Mokuba would bring his new daddy his slippers...oh, if only..

He was spacing out again, he realized. "Oh. I can't possibly agree to those terms. Just who do you think I am?"

"Well then, Mr. Kaiba, _I'm_ afraid I can't possibly stop molesting your precious Mokuba. Although, I must say, you seem to care for your blue eyes more than you care for your own flesh and blood! So perhaps you really won't mind if I continue on with my...fun."

Kaiba glared at this man. "Do you even realize what you have just done!", shouted Kaiba. And then he slapped the green haired beauty on the cheek, with all of his might. He had the strong arms of a duelist, or maybe a pimp.

"What have you done! You fool!" screamed Gaybar. He toppled over a table and spilled the drinks. The glasses shattered on the floor. A crowd of gay sweaty men in thongs gathered around them and "What Is Love" started to play on the jukebox.

Suddenly a strong voice rang out and everyone turned to look. "May I ask what is happening at my club?" Kaiba was surprised to see that the owner of the voice was...Pegasus! He growled.

"Pegasussss! You...why are you here?"

"Oh, Kaiba boy! I never would have imagined you'd come to my little club!" Pegasus blushed and fiddled with his hands. "But I'm afraid I must ask you to leave."

"What...", said Kaiba, his confusion evident.

"You've caused quite a scene." Kaiba looked around. There was broken glass all over the floor and an unconscious lady in the corner. His table was a wreck and as for himself...he looked ridiculous. Kaiba suddenly felt horribly sober and ashamed of his previous drunken actions.

"I'll pay for the damages later. But I have a score to settle right now." Kaiba looked over to Gaybar, or rather where Gaybar should have been...but no one was there! "Gasp!"

"What's wrong, my little Kaiba boy?" said Pegasus from behind him. The chairman of the board was very close to Kaiba...maybe a little too close. Pegasus wrapped his arms around Kaiba and embraced him from the back.

"Arrgh! What the fuck are you doing!" Kaiba wriggled out of the man's grip and glared at him.

"Oh, how feisty!" Pegasus smirked and tried to embrace the young CEO once more. But Kaiba ran away, clutching his ass and screaming. He made it to a nearby alleyway and sank to his knees, panting. He was about to go home, when he remembered...GAYBAR!

"No!" He reached into his pants and pulled out...his cell phone. He then called his faithful butler.

"JEEVES! There's been an emergency." Kaiba screamed into the cell phone, earning curious looks from several passers-by. "I need you to come back to the club immediately."

After many years of being in Kaiba's service, Jeeves had learned to act first and ask questions later, if ever.

"I'll be there as soon as I possibly can, sir." Jeeves hung up.

Figuring he had at least a few minutes, Kaiba moved back to the entrance of the club to look for Gaybar. He peeked inside, put could find no trace of the man.

"Hahaha..." laughed a voice from behind him. It was a chilling laugh, which made Kaiba's hair stand on end. He spun around to see who was the source of this demonic laughter and say GAYBAR! Kaiba's eyes widened with horror, when he noticed that Gaybar was holding Mokuba in his arms, and looking at him like a wold about to devour his prey.

He didn't even stop to wonder how exactly Mokuba had fallen into Gaybar's hands. He'd think about that later, after he fired Kaiba Corp's current security staff

"Get away from my brother!" screamed an enraged Kaiba.

"Heh, not a chance. I've been waiting for this chance for too long." Kaiba growled at Gaybar. "Oh, you're upset? Don't worry, I'd never _hurt_ Mokuba.", said Gaybar as he caressed Mokuba's face.

"I don't want you touching him at all. Now drop him, or there _will_ be serious consequences."

"Oh, I'm sooo scared.", taunted the green haired man.

Gaybar put his hand inside of his jacket and pulled out a gun. Aiming it at Kaiba, he said, "I think I'm the one who will be making the threats here, Mr. Kaiba. Now leave or I'll shoot."

Kaiba was, for the first time in years, truly, utterly scared. What could he do? On the one hand, if he didn't act now, Gaybar would do god-knows-what to his little brother. But on the other hand, if he _tried_ to do something, he would be shot, and Gaybar would get away with his plan anyway.

But, he couldn't just let it happen. He decided, he would save Mokuba.

"IT'S TIME FOR ME TO LIVE UP TO MY FAMILY NAME AND FACE _FULL LIFE CONSEQUENCES_!"

Gaybar only laughed as an enraged Kaiba ran toward him. He cocked his gun and said, "Well Kaiba, I thought you would have more sense than this. Goodbye."

Just when it seemed as if Kaiba would be killed, and Mokuba left to a fate worse than death, Jeeves appeared riding a motorbike. He ramped of a nearby car, did a back flip, and landed right on Gaybar. Mokuba had mysteriously disappeared out of Gaybar's arms and was safely laying on the sidewalk next to Gaybar's unconscious body.

"Haha!", laughed Kaiba, "You should come earlier next time!"

to be continued...?


End file.
